A Fire in My Bones

I graduated from college 8 years ago and hoped that I was finally done with school forever.  I had thought briefly about going to seminary, but at that point there was no way I wanted to be a preacher.  The thought of standing before a large group of people every week and having to offer some sort of sermon honestly freaked me out.  (It still does).  I also wanted to get into ministry right away, and thought that ministry was more honorable then three more years of education.  Yet here I find myself back in school, at Western Theological Seminary, enrolled this semester in Introduction to Preaching.  

I've been fighting this for a while now.  Something inside me burns to preach, yet everything within me wants to resist.  I feel confident I could preach 3 or 4 good sermons, but then what?  What if I run out of material?  What if my 1st sermon is really good, and then everyone expects all of my sermons to be really good?  What if I mishandle God's word and give people the wrong idea about who God is?  What if people don't like what I say?  What if they are mean to me or disagree with me or get angry?  These are all my fears.  

Jeremiah faced ridicule and persecution when he spoke the word of God.  In Jeremiah 20, he complains to God that preaching God's Word is too difficult.  He even curses the day he was born because he is so burdened with preaching.  Yet he says in verse 9:

"But if I say I’ll never mention the LORD 
      or speak in his name, 
   his word burns in my heart like a fire. 
      It’s like a fire in my bones! 
   I am worn out trying to hold it in! 
      I can’t do it!"

I guess I'm becoming worn out from keeping it in.  So here I am Lord, vulnerable and afraid, yet willing to be brought to places where I am uncomfortable.  Be my strength and my guide.  Amen.